Sunday, August 26, 2007

Blessed Be

Thank you, thank you, thank you

I am blessed with cool blogger friends that make me laugh and feel supported.

I am blessed with friends that offer me a place to stay with my three wild boys...oops I have to make sure my dog can come too! They tell me good things about myself and eventually I will believe them!

I am blessed because I have sweet friends that text me encouraging kind words.

I am blessed to have a family that offers me financial support, kind words, dinners, and will go to stupid meetings with me.

I am blessed to have the most fun and rewarding job in the world and they pay just enough to pay my bills and get a massage once in a while!!

I am blessed to have a strong body that I am able to push to the limit and it always keeps working.

I am blessed to have the sweetest dog in the world, she follows me everywhere I go in my house and is licking my leg right now (I am still sweaty from my bikeride, but hey its the most action I've had in a long time!) She barks at everybody that comes to my house and makes me feel safe.

I am blessed that I have faith that somehow I will survive and come from this abusive situation a stronger woman.

Friday, August 24, 2007

Wicked Sad

Today I brought my oldest son to his first day of HIGH SCHOOL! How did this happen? When did he grow up? I felt soooooo alone bringing him today. I miss his dad beyond belief. He would have been so excited and happy for him. He had a devotion to his children that I rarely see in fathers and I miss that so bad.

It has been eight years since he died and time really does help, but grief pops it head up at transitions like these. I am probably even more emotional since I am also dealing with such shit from the current husband.

I think I'll treat myself to a brownie sundae tonight. I swam a very tough swim this morning with very windy currents and it will be good to drown myself in chocolate.

Thursday, August 23, 2007

Thank You

Your well wishes, hugs and prayers worked because today I feel better and stronger. I have been able to ask for help and have been able to establish some better boundaries with the poop. I just have to stay on top of my game so I can keep on the offense rather than get defensive which is what he loves when I do.

My running and biking have been soooooooo slow this weekend. I think the emotional stress is taking its toll on my physical body. Today I got a massage and a pedicure, they were awesome.

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Send me postive thoughts and prayers, I need them.

My personal life is in such utter and complete chaos that sometimes I feel like I am being slowly tortured until I finally give up and die. I truly don't know if I am strong enough to fight anymore, everyone tells me I am but I think they don't really know what is going on.

The only thing that is keeping me sane is my training. When I complete a physical goal, I feel empowered and gain a smidgen of confidence to get me through for awhile.

I know I can only take it one day at a time and that is what I am going to do. I just hope that one day I'll realize that I am not struggling to get through the days, but actually enjoying part of them.

Monday, August 20, 2007

Wow, running is hard

Today I ran a route I normally bike and wow the hills are much harder to run up. I finished 12.5 miles in 2+ hours, I pretty much sucked. But I got it done and its in the log.

Sunday, August 19, 2007

Steeple Chase Bike Tour 2007

Yesterday I participated in a local fundraiser called the Steeple Chase. They offer a 20, 50, and 100 mile route for a wide range of biking abilities. My tri chickas were doing the 100 miler, but since my longest ride in my whole life was only 30 miles, I decided to try the 50 miler. I rode the first 40 with my tri chickas and then rode the last ten myself. If it weren't for a very sore butt, I could have gone further. My neck was a little sore too. I was psyched since I know both of those things are more equipment issues rather than physical ability issues.

It was a blast. A social event really. Every twenty miles a local church offers a rest stop with a potty and LOTS of yummy treats, I mean food to refuel our tired bodies!! One church had some awesome brownies. I am doing this next year just for the brownies!

Another wonderful thing that happened from this ride was I realized I know how to ride my bike now. Well sorta. I got this bike at Christmas and call me stupid, but I could not "get" the shifting thing down. Now I get it, totally. Well I still sometimes shift into a harder gear when I want to shift into an easier, but at least I know what to do to fix it. AND I rode the whole 50 with my clip on shoes and DID NOT FALL!! A major accomplishment!

Sunday, August 12, 2007

Summer Sickness Sucks

Since Thursday night, I have been down for the count. I came home Thursday evening and almost immediately had a fever and chills. All I could do was lie down and pray to get better. Well that didn't happen until this morning. I haven't been able to do anything for two days and I feel like I might go crazy. I always thank me lucky stars that I have a strong and able body and today I extremely thankful. I plan to take another day of no exercise to really make sure I am recovered.

Hope everybody else had a great weekend. Summer vacation is over in two weeks! Yikes, back to reality!

Thursday, August 09, 2007

It worked a few hours later

The internet is a strange thing sometimes, huh?

Post won't publish

I wasn't able to post a minute ago, I am testing it again now.

God Bless Commuters

Yesterday I picked up my children from LaGuardia Airport in NYC. The trip should take about 2:45 hours, not yesterday. NYC saw a tornado and it backed up all the transit systems so more people tried to drive to work. The trip took me over 4 hours. The boys flight was delayed and the airport was packed. The trip home was only a little better. I did stop for an ice cream sundae, that made the trip better for sure.

Today I am nursing a sore back, how do truck drivers sit in their trucks all day? There is NO way I could ever be a truck driver, that is for sure. Hopefully a little run will help loosen everything up later.

Run hard.

Sunday, August 05, 2007

John Kelley Road Race Report

Yesterday was a beautiful sunny 88' in New London, CT and it was a great day for a race, well if you like racing in the heat. My sister, her friend and my youngest son and I left the house at 7am to make the half hour drive to New London Ocean Beach Park. With our free race entry, we also got into the park free - caching, save $15 parking fee, baby.

I got there and set the kids up on the beach and then proceeded to obsess over what to wear running. It was a scorcher so I opted for the sports bra and shorts as did many women, but depending on my mood I am shy about showing so much skin. Especially since I was running the race with Chris, at and I didn't want to A. make him throw up at the sight of my white belly or B. distract him with A-cups LOL!! I decided that keeping cool was more important than vanity and I am glad that I did because at one point when we were running through a heavily traveled part of the town, my body felt like it was about 116' degrees. I am not kidding, at least 116'.

Chris and I started the race thinking that this was a training run, we both have longer race distance goals for the Fall. We wanted to get in 15 miles for the day so we said lets keep between a 9:30 - 9:45 pace for the race portion so we could add some more on the end of the race. After mile one, Chris told me we were a minute off on our pace and I assumed we were going too slowly!! He said we were at a 8:15 pace, so we brought it down a notch to about 8:40s. We both felt great, I don't remember anyone passing up and we were passing people left and right.

At about mile four, Chris tells me to walk through the waterstop. I figured just while I was drinking water, right. Nope, he told me to trust him and do what he said. So every three miles after that, we stopped and walked for a tenth of a mile. I was amazed at how that strategy worked for me. Walking for that short time gave my body the rest it needed to refuel and get ready for the next burst. I basically never pooped out, I had to dig in the last two miles to complete my goal, which was beating this young 30s woman that beats me ALL the time. She passed me at mile nine and said what good pace runners we were. I kept her in my sights until mile 11 and then I was able to push ahead. I never looked back and was scared to death she was right behind me and lo and behold she WAS!! I saw her time and she finished .2 of a second after me!! BUT I still beat her, baby.

Chris uses a garmin and now that I have run with him a few times, I am hooked. I have to get one. I think it would help my training so much. My time was 1:39 for 11.6 miles, we held a 8:35 pace pretty easily. I won third in my age group, which is even more impressive due to the overall women winner was in my age group too. Both these women make turning 40 next year a little easier! Our next run is the New Haven Road Race, I will have to get my own garmin by then, because I think my new partner will leave me in the dust. He had more reserves after mile 9 than I did. I think I have to refuel with some gu at about mile 7 or 8, because I always fade at mile 9.

A great day for a great race for some great racers!!

The tri photos are in and every time I look at them I get psyched! Go check them out - !